How to spot a con

Lavish flattery

If you've just met someone who is overwhelming you with praise, attention and concern, be careful. Be particularly careful if you're lonely and looking for love—con artists know exactly how to play that tune.

Credentials—exaggerated and fabricated

Con artists may "prove" themselves by namedropping or volunteering detailed resumes or credentials. If you're at all suspicious, check their references.

Building your trust

Con artists will sometimes honor their commitments in the beginning so that you begin to trust them. They'll pay back initial loans, or appear to be unselfishly helping other people. Their objective is to get you to drop your guard.

The story doesn't quite add up

The con artist's story may have small inconsistencies or unexplained loose ends. If you ask questions, the con will glibly provide an explanation—which may also not add up. Or, he or she will sidestep the issue by accusing you of paranoia or mistrust.

"I need an answer now."

A crisis needs to be averted, an opportunity will disappear—whatever the reason, a con artist will want an answer right away. If you have time to think, research or ask advice, you may realize that con artist's plan is a ploy. The con will want your money before you figure it out.

Intense eye contact

Typically, when people talk to each other, they look each other in the eyes and then briefly look away. Sociopathic con artists often exhibit a "predatory stare"—unblinking, fixated and emotionless. It's not a sign of empathy—it's an effort to assert control.

Isolation

Con artists will slowly and subtly separate you from people who may question their plans. They may intercept phone calls from your friends. They may refuse to associate with your family. They'll tell you, "It's you and me against the world, baby." Soon, you're alone with them, snared in their net.

For a jaw-dropping look at how sociopaths employ all these techniques, read Love Fraud-How marriage to a sociopath fulfilled my spiritual plan.

http://www.lovefraud.com/02_howToSpotAcon/spot_con_artist.html

How to Transition from Victim to Survivor

(c) Diana Mors 2011

Know why you were conned because you are kind, compassionate and caring. Also because your were targeted and his/her mission was to “get” you

Forgive yourself, this is so important! Initially you will feel like an accomplice, most victims do.

Understand your perpetrator. The person you let in your life is NOT the one who enters. They rely on your complicity, embarrassment and humiliation to get away with their con. You invited them in, spent money, etc – but on a pretext of lies. This person is fictitious and imaginary even though they are there in front of you in 3D

Just accept that they do not/cannot/will not have a moral compass like you do. They lack empathy, conscience, ethics, principles and scruples. So yes they can sleep at night – often quite comfortably and usually at your expense. Do not try to work them out, you cannot.

Where to from here:

Go to the Police and file a report. Insist! I got fobbed off by a Senior Sgt 4 time trying to get me to not report. You will hear terms such as” it will be difficult to prove”, well just how much is involved, etc. Keep insisting. I just kept saying “yes I know, but I still want it reported and would like a crime number please”. I said this 4 times and finally got my report taken. Also police will recognise fraud in a business/corporate context but seem disinterested in an individual’s case….. INSIST, INSIST, INSIST – give only copies of any evidence and keep originals. This has been key to the charges on our guy going from 2 to 34. One of our co-survivors kept everything.


There are the laws in various states on fraud and deception. Do your homework and take a copy of the legislation (pertinent parts) to the police if you must. In Queensland the law states:

Fraud is behaviour that's deceptive, dishonest, corrupt or unethical.

For a fraud to exist there needs to be an offender, a victim and an absence of control or safeguards.

Here in Queensland, the laws on fraud involve dishonesty in any of these situations:

• obtaining property belonging to someone else
• applying someone else's property to one's own use
• causing a detriment to another person or entity
• gaining a benefit or advantage for any person; and
• inducing or causing any person to deliver property to another person

The more people that report these crimes the more the authorities are going to have to take notice. Our perpetrators rely on us blaming ourselves and NOT reporting to continue in their craft.

It has taken years for crimes such as music piracy to be recognised in the legal system and it may take years for this type of fraud to be given credibility, but the more of us that do it the more they have to take notice. What happened is NOT acceptable AND should be reported – not trivialised

Go to your Doctor and get counselling – you can get 12 free psych visits with a Drs Referral – you NEED this, for you, for your family, for your kids. You need to talk this out. You have been violated and have suffered trauma.

www. Lovefraud.com. Get on this site and read up – it is so helpful and beneficial. Join the mailing list. And seek out information that can help you. Get the book Without Conscience by Dr Hare

Get support and understanding. Family, friends, colleagues, us, facebook – seek it out wherever you can. A support group like ours circumvents the need to explain how you got conned – we know how it happens and are just there for each other. You will get people who will say things like – how on earth did you get conned, didn’t you realise when such and such happened. No one can possibly understand until they have been there and we do not want to see more people there.

If you want to, set up a website/blog. Set it up on Google. This may cost money; you may need a webmaster to do this for you. Use verifiable facts ONLY – if you have incontrovertible proof it is a lie then list it. What was the lie, how did you prove it was a lie and any reference material. Be objective and matter of fact. If you can’t write it then get some one else to on your behalf. Be 100% honest and keep emotion out of it.

When I set up the website on our con I was taking a risk and I knew it, if our guy was genuine and innocent he could have come after me, but I was so confident that I had the necessary facts and evidence to support that his claims were complete and utter lies that I was happy to take the chance and confront him if it ever came to that.

You WILL be forever changed. Accept that. It does not mean suck it up, simply you cannot go back and have the life, sense of worth, trust, comfort that you had before. Additionally though, you are now stronger and wiser.

Can you empower yourself? Yes, join support groups such as our facebook “ConnedInAus”.

When I initially went pubic, having my photograph in the newspaper, I knew that I was setting myself up to criticism, but as I said to Jon – our Melbourne journalist – someone has to be the face of this crime, no matter how humiliating, how embarrassing or what criticism may come my way I knew my self esteem could handle it. I am a small business owner, single and childless so had no-one to protect if my identity was made public. Additionally, I wanted our con to know that I was still out there chasing him. I had support in Rebecca – as we had supported each other in the 18 months leading up to his downfall. I am so grateful that Rebecca then came with me to do the A Current Affair report and had to deal with a lot of her own demons in going public.

Overwhelmingly the feedback has been positive for going public – comments of how brave and courageous we were together with the odd "attagirl" and lots of thanks for sharing our tale. There have been a couple of individuals who feel they are entitled to ridicule us, but so far they are in the minority that we do not even waste our time defending our position. In fact, others have actually come to our rescue in those instances and put them in their place on our behalf.

I can tell you I have never felt such euphoria when our guy was arrested. It was just utter joy. Having lived on the edge of my seat for two years trying to track him, knowing he was hurting someone else and being powerless to do anything was excruciating.

I hope this helps you make the important transition that you require to empower yourself and move forward. In sharing this information I hope you find a path to recovery.

More from Dr Robert Hare

This article is brilliant - a Must Read from Dr Robert Hare.

They want many of the same basic things that the rest of us want, but, in addition, have an inordinate need for power, prestige, wealth, and so forth. They differ from most of us in terms of how much they "need," their sense of entitlement to whatever they want, and the means with which they are willing to achieve their ends. They also differ dramatically from others in the communal nature of their needs and goals. That is, the sense of altruism, concern for the welfare of family, friends, and society, and the social rules, expectations, and reciprocity that guide most people are irrelevant to psychopaths. They operate according to their own self-serving principle: look out for number 1, no matter what the cost to others, and without guilt or remorse.

Without Conscience - Dr Robert Hare

This book was recommended to me and was incredibly helpful in understanding the psychopath.

KEY SYMPTOMS OF PSYCHOPATHY (Page 34):

Emotional/Interpersonal

*glib and superficial

*egocentric and grandiose

*lack of remorse or guilt

*lack of empathy

*deceitful and manipulative

*shallow emotions

Social Deviance

*impulsive

*poor behaviour controls

*need for excitement

*lack of responsibility

*early behaviour problems

*adult antisocial behaviour

Some excerpts from "Without Conscience":

He will choose you, disarm you with his words, and control you with his presence. He will delight you with his wit and his plans. He will show you a good time, but you will always get the bill. He will smile and deceive you, and he will scare you with his eyes. Ans when he is through with you, and he will be through with you, he will desert you and take with him your innocence and your pride. You will be left much sadder but not a lot wiser, and for a long time you will wonder what happened and what you did wrong. And if another of his kind comes knocking at your door, will you open it? (Page 21)

He knows the words but not the music. (Page 128)

In an interview, one of our psychopaths, a con artist, said candidly, "When I'm on a job the first thing I do is I size you up. I look for an angle, an edge, figure out what you need and give it to you. Then it's pay-back time, with interest. I tighten the screws." (Page 147)

Psychopaths have an uncanny ability to spot and use "nurturant" women- that is, those who have a powerful need to help or mother others....These women will usually take a lot of abuse in their believe that they can help; they are ripe for being left emotionally, physically, and financially drained. (Page 149)

Facebook Group

While we are waiting for legal advice regarding this blog, we have created a Facebook group for victims of scammers and con artists to chat and support one another.

If you would like to join the Facebook group, please send an email to rozzieoz@tpg.com.au with your facebook ID, and you will receive an invite to our group, which is a closed group.

Obviously, we won't be able to give legal advice, but we will all be able to support one another in a safe environment.

Sometimes just hearing the words "I understand" can make all the difference in the world. They did to me.